Solo flight. That's what today is for me- my coop is not here today so I am managing the classes and teaching on my own. How do I feel about it? Ok. That's all.
It's really challenging to find a balance between me the professional and me the person. Let me explain; I'm obviously a person who is also a professional, my question is though, can I be both things at once without diluting who I am or without neglecting one side or the other?
As a professional, (or teacher), I see myself in regards to the responsibilities I have. I am responsible for teaching the students music, not just the basics, such as technique, rhythm, pitch, etc. but also how to understand, think about, appreciate, and essentially create music. Beyond that I have all the "housekeeping" responsibilities such as keeping order in the class, following national, state, and district outlines of how/what to teach, keeping the room clean, continually enriching my own education, staying organized, planning ahead for the next week (and by week, I really mean at least the semester or year) and much more.
As a person however, my set of responsibilities change and I think in terms of the responsibilities I have to others. I must make sure that I am treating everyone fairly, creating a "safe environment" for the students to learn in, investing in the people, yes people, I am teaching, no serving, quietly modeling appropriate adult behavior and most importantly, living a life that is both serving and pleasing to the Lord.
Looking back on this it's easy to see why I feel so unsteady or unsure on my feet. There is way too much here for anyone to juggle weekly, let alone every 50 minutes of the day.
I can't do all this. Yet this is exactly what I am called to do. Is it any wonder I'm so overwhelmed?
Despite what I've said above, today has gone on just fine. No blood was spilt, no outbursts or tantrums, not even a single complaint about what they were being asked to do (so far, at least).
But somehow I feel like I'm just scrapping by.
1 comment:
I feel the same way about my job. I know it's a different set of responsibilities, but sometimes I long for the days when I had just three responsibilities for each class--show up, pay attention, do the work. Now I have to keep track of so many things in my head all the time, and many of them are not necessarily intuitive. I get overwhelmed all the time. I have to keep reminding myself that it takes time to master these skills...many people have been doing it for longer than we've been alive! Anyway, I miss you! Can't wait to see you soon!
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