Wednesday, April 8, 2009

The Way of Molly Hatchet: Flirting with Disaster

So here I am, nearly at the end of student teaching when it hits me- I still have about 60 billion things that need to get accomplished in order for me to graduate. This is where my heart starts racing, my stomach tries to take a play from the Boy Scouts book and attempts to try to tie itself into as many knots as possible, and I want to throw in the towel.

Regretably, this is simply not an option.

I've reached the point where I am truly teatering on the edge...there are simply too many things that must get completed and I am being pulled every which way by trying to complete them. I know that I am anxious, (that's an understatement), but I just want to fall back into treacherous old habits that only manage to cut my legs out from under me.

I think the scariest thing for me is that I am so close and that the end is actually near. I may actually graduate, and that means that I have a new set of things to tackle. I may actually succeed and go on to do what I've worked towards for so long. But then again, if I try, I could actually get let down and have to try all over again.

I'm haunted by the things that are just looming in the air, precariously dangling just in front of me, but also, just out of focus. I need to learn how to trust. Lord, help me do that. Not to trust in my own abilities, but yours, because I know that if it were up to me right now, I would let my warped idea of relief consume me and I would give in. Please remove this temptation or show me the way through it- because stagnancy is like the Siren's call.

2 comments:

ashleykirk said...

Hang in there, friend. I vividly remember those last few weeks of student teaching when you still have your portfolio, your action research paper, your resume, Senior Sem, Philosophy of Ed, your letters of recommendation, and on top of that, day-to-day teaching all lying before you. But honestly, by some miracle of God, it all gets done. I'm still not sure how, but it does. I know you can do it. I couldn't believe graduation finally was before me either- hang on to that, and pull through! You're so close!

Liz T. said...

love you...you're a strong girl. i miss you a lot. i will pray for you in your endeavor...i hated when people said "oh, you can do it!" because i didn't know if i could...i know you can...i'll pray for you hon.

A smattering of life experiences, insight, random internet finds and anything else that comes to mind as I'm posting. Sometimes funny, sometimes true, sometimes just ridiculous, it's a little bit of everything- from my perspective.